Sharing a Journey of Grief, Hope, and Community

Facing an ultrasound appointment is often filled with anxiety, especially when history holds painful memories. Living in Valparaiso, Indiana, with my husband Ryan for the past eight years has been a blessing. In 2022, we celebrated the birth of our daughter, Nellie, feeling it should be our happiest day.

Following her birth, doctors assured us of her healthy condition, so we returned home. However, tragedy struck as Nellie passed away unexpectedly during the night. The loss left us devastated, but we found a way to move forward, starting IVF treatments in 2024. Unfortunately, initial cycles yielded no eggs, leading me to pause our efforts.

Hope resurfaced in February 2025 when I conceived naturally, yet it ended as a chemical pregnancy. Though heartbreaking, this loss differed in impact compared to losing Nellie. We resumed IVF at a different clinic, resulting in another pregnancy that brought happiness tempered with anxiety.

During a boutique ultrasound at nine weeks, concerns arose due to minimal visibility of the fetus and a weak heartbeat. Despite these issues, hope persisted for our July ultrasound appointment. Living temporarily with in-laws due to power outages, anxiety peaked prior to the appointment. My mother-in-law comforted me during my emotional breakdown, as fear clouded thoughts of impending news.

We documented our pregnancy journey on TikTok, sharing raw and authentic experiences. I filmed the upcoming ultrasound, clinging to hope for positive news. However, the technician delivered devastating news: the absence of a heartbeat and Poppy measuring smaller than expected.

Shocked and processing the news slowly, I instinctively reached for Ryan for comfort. Despite criticism for my reaction to the technician, I felt discomfort in vulnerability during such a crucial moment. We returned to my in-laws’ house, embracing each other in grief throughout the night.

Post-appointment, I shared the recording on TikTok, aiming to connect women experiencing infertility and loss. Feedback reaffirmed the importance of representation and community, as conversations emerged around shared experiences.

Despite criticism regarding my interaction with the technician, sharing the lows alongside the highs is critical. These experiences reflect the multifaceted journey of pregnancy, inclusive of infertility, failed treatments, successful cycles, and heartbreaking loss.

Although loss feels debilitating, hope endures for a healthy family and further efforts with IVF. Recovery follows a recent procedure, bolstered by support from Ryan, family, and plans for another embryo transfer maintain optimism for future success.