Navigating Friendship Challenges in Adulthood

Friendships are among the most shaping relationships in life while also maintaining a level of complexity. As adults, defining friendship boundaries can become increasingly difficult. The questions arise: How can you make and maintain friendships as you grow older?

Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman are friends, writers, former podcast hosts of Call Your Girlfriend, and authors of Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close. Their book delves into the challenges and successes in sustaining their friendship over time and distance. We explored their insights on managing friendship dynamics.

Managing Unwanted Friendships

One common question is handling acquaintances wanting to become closer friends when you’re not interested. Sow advises practicing kindness. Instead of outright rejecting someone, be honest about your availability. Avoid leading them on by oscillating between engagement and absence. Sow suggests reflecting on why this acquaintance doesn’t appeal as a friend. Broadening the types of friends you keep is essential, without implying intense connections with everyone you meet.

Maintaining Connections with Friends Who Have Kids

When friends start having children, those without kids may feel a growing gap. Friedman, childless herself, stresses the importance of intentionality. Acknowledge the desire to remain friends despite differing life stages. Curiosity about the changes childbirth brings can bridge the gap. Asking about parenting experiences rather than reading articles ensures sustained interest. Moreover, clear communication of expectations strengthens connections, even if this means adapting to new social norms.

Reviving Old Friendships

Another issue is reconnecting with long-time friends who seem to drift despite your efforts. Sow reaffirms that maintaining friendships requires effort across the board, not merely when prompted by circumstances. Recognizing that each party may be busy with their lives helps mitigate feelings of inadequacy. Direct questioning like proposing meaningful catch-ups or enquiring about what occupies them can reconnect you. Often, both sides may welcome a chance to share and listen.

If these insights resonate with you and you’d like to explore more about friendships and other life challenges, connect through the Dear Life Kit channel. Subscribing to the Life Kit newsletter provides ongoing support and advice.