Teaching Resilience: A Mother’s Stand Against Bullying in Preschool

My 3-year-old daughter started preschool recently. She is small for her age, and people often see her as easygoing. One day, she came home upset, saying, ‘People keep calling me ‘so sad’.’ At first, I thought she was experiencing separation anxiety and her classmates were empathizing. But she mentioned it consistently, as though it was her name, and I knew something was wrong.

Uncovering the Problem

After some inquiry, I found she was dealing with a bully. A bigger boy in her class started calling her ‘so sad’ every day, influencing others to join in. Over time, I realized this went beyond simple teasing; it was systematic and isolating.

For four months, she came home demoralized, saying she had no friends because they kept calling her ‘So Sad.’ I spoke to the school and some parents, but nothing changed. A parent told me their pediatrician thought the other kids were being empathetic, but I knew it wasn’t true.

Taking Action

Frustrated with the lack of response from the school, I decided to teach my daughter how to stand up for herself. I taught her playful comebacks like ‘Eat a brick’ or ‘Go kiss a giraffe.’ These built her confidence, but the teasing persisted. Reluctantly, I suggested she say, ‘You’re a bully, and the police are going to get you.’

Turning the Tide

Her response worked. When she used the line, her classmates sided with her. The teacher finally intervened, resulting in a ban on the phrase ‘You’re so sad.’ I was proud of her. I explained sometimes you must make people uncomfortable to protect yourself.

Lessons Learned

Girls are often taught to be nice instead of assertive. I want my daughters to stand up for themselves. While I don’t advocate threatening with police regularly, teaching her to assert herself was crucial. Months of suffering didn’t trigger change, but her newfound voice did.

Inimai Chettiar is the president of A Better Balance, a nonprofit advocating for women and caregivers in the workplace, and is the mother of two girls.

All views expressed in this article are the author’s own. Do you have a personal essay you want to share? Send your story to [email protected].