Navigating Your Quarterlife: Balancing Meaning and Stability

In my late 20s, I was experiencing burnout. While working full-time in journalism at a public radio station, a position I had always aspired to, I found myself constantly filing news stories, waking up early, handling the morning shift, and resorting to Pepto Bismol to manage stress-related symptoms. Despite having a job I wanted, my desire to travel more, exercise regularly, and spend time outdoors was pulling me in another direction. These feelings indicated what psychotherapist Satya Doyle Byock describes as a conflict between meaning and stability during the ‘quarterlife,’ a developmental period between adolescence and midlife. Byock explores this in her book, Quarterlife: The Search for Self in Early Adulthood.

Byock notes that people in this age group often experience conflicting desires. For example, wanting single life while longing for marriage and children. To help individuals navigate these feelings, she created an exercise called “My Two Conflicting Selves.” This involves drawing stick figures representing your contrasting desires, listing their wants and needs, and finding ways to integrate them.

Exercise Instructions

This exercise applies to anyone feeling torn between life paths. Here’s how to do it, needing just paper and a pen or pencil:

Step 1: Draw Your Stick Figures

Fold a sheet of paper in half and draw a stick figure on each side. One figure represents your ‘stability’ side, seeking safety and grounding. The other represents your ‘meaning’ side, craving adventure and freedom.

Step 2: Name Each Side

Give each stick figure a name. This can draw from movies, TV, or your personal life. For instance, ‘Daphne’ represented my adventurous side inspired by the character from Scooby Doo. ‘Marielle,’ my name, stood for my stable side as this aspect often follows traditional life paths.

Step 3: Write a Narrative

Identify personality traits for each figure to recognize internal tensions. Use these questions to guide you:

• What job do you have?
• What’s your relationship status?
• What kind of clothes do you wear?
• Do you have a pet?
• Do you have a spiritual practice?
• Where do you live?
• What do you do for fun?
• What are your hobbies?
• What’s your dream vacation?
• Do you have or want kids?

Answer in bullet points or doodles, reflecting your true desires.

Step 4: Observe Wishes and Needs

Compare the responses for the two figures. How do their lifestyles differ or align? This analysis clarifies desires you may share, like wanting a dog for different reasons.

Step 5: Balance Both Sides

Determine each side’s influence on your life using percentages. Adjust these to reflect your ideal balance. To embrace more of your adventurous side, consider spontaneous activities or decor that reminds you of that side’s influence. Display your stick figure exercise as a constant reminder of the balance you’re striving for.

This exercise is aimed to help embrace different aspects of your personality, making room for both stability and meaning.

For questions or feedback, reach out at [email protected]. Listen to Life Kit via Apple Podcasts or Spotify.